


Troublemakers

by Inquartata (mackillian)



Series: Tessera [5]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Best Friends, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Mutual Pining, Not so secret crush, Original Character(s), Tropes Everywhere, Tumblr Prompt, Unresolved Sexual Tension, eventually, g;ameblog prompt, they swear a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 03:52:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14536050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mackillian/pseuds/Inquartata
Summary: Vetra's plans go awry. Then a pick-up line competition goes awry. (Takes place sometime during the main events of Tessellation.)





	Troublemakers

Vetra looked up from the Tempest’s research table as the door to the cargo bay opened. Ryder hurtled herself through the second she had clearance, Liam right behind her, with Gil bringing up the rear at a more sedate pace. The flurry of activity attracted the attention of Jaal from one of the display panels on the wall and Drack from one of the table’s other terminals. From below rushed Peebee, ignoring the ladder and launching herself up to the corridor walkway via biotics. Then she sprinted toward the gathering group.

So much for a quiet night.

“What’s lit a fire under your asses?” asked Drack.

“In about eight minutes,” Ryder said as consulted her omni, “there’s going to be a show.”

Oh, no.

Thaia and Cora had been gone for seventeen minutes. It took an average of ten minutes to walk to Vortex from the Nexus docks. Eight if they didn’t encounter a lot of foot traffic, twelve if they did, giving them a total of five to nine minutes within Vortex.

Yet, Vetra found herself reading a message she’d just received from Tiran Kandros, which was probably the same one Ryder had gotten moments before.

> _You’ve got incoming._

> Incoming what?

> _Troublemakers._

“Spirits.”

Drack turned off the terminal in front of him and sent a glare around the room. “Someone doesn’t tell me, the headbutting’s going to start.”

Vetra flipped her omni’s display around to show him Kandros’ messages. “I thought,” she said as Drack read the short exchange, “that sending Cora with Thaia would prevent something like this.”

Drack laughed. “Cora’s got a cool head, yeah. Problem is that Thaia’s got a harder head. You should’ve had Kesh meet them there.”

She deactivated her omni’s display. “Their conversation with Anan shouldn’t have taken more than three minutes. They were dropping off her order from Aya and asking if she had any others. Then they were to leave. Simple, easy.” Especially with Cora along, because Cora could out-matron more than a few asari matrons.

“I knew I should’ve gone with them,” said Ryder.

“No, that would only have made the situation ten times worse,” Lexi said as she climbed up the ladder to join them.

Then they all began to get messages on their omni-tools about what may or may not have happened at Vortex. But they’d hardly started comparing conflicting accounts when Kallo notified them that the alleged troublemakers had entered the airlock and would be on the bridge shortly. He finished up with: “I’ll keep the comms open.”

“No shit,” said Liam.

Then they all heard Suvi ask, “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” came Thaia’s voice.

“You should see the other guy,” said Cora.

Cora sounded proud.

Vetra couldn’t decide if that was good or bad. With someone like Drack, it would’ve been bad. With someone like Lexi, it would’ve been good. With Cora, it could go either way because Cora would be proud of how someone had fought even if she disagreed with the reason behind it.

“Thaia, what happened down there?” asked Suvi. “Because—”

“I heard you threw someone across a table,” said Kallo.

“I heard you threw someone across the room,” said Jaal.

“I heard you literally drop-kicked someone out the doors,” said Gil.

“I heard you grabbed someone by the ankles, spun them around, and then threw them out on their ass,” said Drack.

“I heard you put someone in a stasis and spun them around like a top,” said Liam.

“I heard you dangled someone upside down over the bar after they talked shit about skyball,” said Ryder.

“I heard you did all of those things to different people and cleared out the entire place,” said Peebee.

“I heard you were injured,” said Lexi. “Are you all right?”

The doors to the bridge opened and Thaia stepped through, Cora behind her. After the briefest of pauses as Thaia registered that everyone else stood there waiting for her, she said, “I’m fine.”

It couldn’t be the entire truth because Vetra could see the telltale shine of a patch of medigel drying vertically across Thaia’s right eyebrow tattoo. 

Lexi’s concern then incorporated a frown directed at Thaia.

If asked, Vetra would have sworn Thaia flinched and made a sound that sounded suspiciously similar to a squeak as soon as she saw Lexi’s frown. 

Then Thaia said, “It’s not what it looks like.”

Lexi crossed her arms. “You didn’t get injured in another bar fight?”

“An errant fist caught me right above my eye. A doctor who was there treated it. As for the rest, I didn’t do any of them.”

“Was there a fight?” asked Liam.

“Not really,” said Thaia.

“Feel free to explain how one would ‘not really’ be in a fight, yet manage to get hit hard enough to break the skin.” Though Lexi’s tone was sharp, it didn’t stop her from fussing over the cut because fussing was what Lexi did.

Especially, Vetra had long since noticed, if Thaia was involved.

Standing absolutely still, Thaia flicked a wary look at Lexi before providing an explanation only slightly better than the previous ones. “He didn’t put up anything worthy of the word fight when I tossed him onto a table. And with Kandros on the other side of the room, that’s all there was. Everyone else was sitting back down before they even finished standing up for a fight.”

Vetra then asked what she believed an important question because none of them wanted to anger the owner of the only bar on the Nexus. “Did you break the table?”

“While the doctor was fixing my eye, I transferred credits to Anan to cover the damage. She was very understanding and I have the list that we went for in the first place.”

Without losing her frown, Lexi took a step back. “I’m not thrilled with the work done on that cut.”

Thaia slowly turned her head toward Lexi. “The doctor who fixed it up was Harry. If you think he did a subpar job, feel free to take it up with him.”

“Why didn’t you say so in the first place?” Having realized she’d only be setting herself up to be further antagonized, Lexi didn’t let Thaia answer. “More importantly, why did you feel the need to throw someone onto a table?”

Lexi didn’t catch her second mistake in time.

“I can think of a few different reasons to throw someone on a table,” said Thaia.

Spirits, not again. If they let this go on too long, the tension would become suffocating and Vetra had just wanted a quiet night to finish checking on her contacts and then catching up with Sid. She held in a sigh and moved things along as best she could. “Why did you throw this specific person onto a table?” 

Thaia sat on one of the containers that never seemed to get permanently put away. “He hit on me.”

“As in physically hit you or made a pass?” asked Liam. “Because it could be either.”

“Used a pick-up line.”

Pick-up lines. Vetra occasionally heard them from turians, but in her experience, pick-up lines were a peculiar human thing that never seemed to work. Not only did they never seem to work, but they often annoyed the person on the receiving end. Yet, despite the irritation they caused, many humans continued to use them on anyone they found attractive anyway. 

Even then, a single pick-up line didn’t seem like the sort of thing that would incite a three-hundred-year old asari to violence. “If it was a pick-up line, don’t you think throwing him onto a table hard enough to break it might have been a little excessive?”

“Because there’s no way you haven’t had someone try a pick-up line on you before,” said Ryder.

Peebee perked up. “Didn’t _you_ try to—”

“This isn’t about me.” Ryder saved herself from further questioning by putting her hand over Peebee’s mouth, which resulted in a short scuffle that ended with Drack physically separating them. Then they all looked at Thaia in expectation of a real explanation.

“Fine.” Thaia grumbled and then sighed in defeat. “You want to know what happened? He said, I shit you not, ‘Hey, I’m looking for treasure. Can I look around your chest?’ Then he reached for me.” To illustrate, Thaia gestured toward her chest. “As in, grabby hands headed straight for my breasts. I wasn’t going to let him grope me.”

To Vetra, it seemed an appropriate response, but she glanced around the group to gauge reactions from the asari and the humans in the room who actually possessed the body parts that the attempted groping had targeted. And she was glad she did because she noticed Lexi’s gaze initially having followed the motions of Thaia’s arms, but said gaze had lingered on said breasts for quite some time afterward.

At first, Vetra thought no one else had noticed. Then Drack chuckled. Just once, quietly enough that only Vetra heard it. So he’d seen it too, but had decided to refrain from comment. Given that Drack was almost fourteen hundred years Vetra’s senior, she followed his lead and didn’t comment. She did wonder why he chose not to say anything.

“You got hit on by an amateur,” said Liam.

“You’re throwing some mighty big stones in that glass house of yours, Kosta,” said Ryder.

“I’ve heard so many,” said Peebee. “The worst one had to be: if I had to rate you from one to ten, I would rate you a nine because I’m the one you’re missing.”

Everyone groaned, including Suvi and Kallo over comms.

“I’ve got one,” said Cora. “Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.”

“You know what would look great on you?” asked Ryder. “Me.”

Then Gil proceeded to undo Vetra’s redirection from earlier. “You know,” he said as he looked from Thaia to Lexi, “we’ve yet to hear from you, Doc. You have to have something to add. Actually, ten credits to whoever gets the other to blush first, you or Thaia. Split the pot if the one who’s blushing can get the other to blush straight after.”

Thaia rolled her eyes. “I’m a commando. Commandos don’t blush unless they’re having a day. I’m not having one of those days, so good fucking luck.”

“Do you realize how difficult it is to make a physician blush?” asked Lexi.

“Are you in or not?” Gil held his hands out to both of them. “Think of the bragging rights. If it’s on, Doc goes first.”

“I really don’t think it’s wise to challenge a commando to that kind of contest,” said Cora.

“Yeah, I agree with Cora for once,” said Peebee. “It doesn’t seem fair.”

“I grew up on _Omega_ ,” said Lexi. “I’m in just to prove all of you wrong.” She turned to face Thaia—who seemed appropriately alarmed at the sudden turn of events—and commenced the impromptu challenge. “That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?”

Thaia grasped the edge of the container and leaned forward. “I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.”

“Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past you again?”

Right before she was swiftly and decidedly proven wrong, Vetra began to think they were going too easy on each other. Too tame.

“So,” Thaia said as she slid a look over at Lexi that bordered on salacious, “you want to come over and eat what my mother made?”

“No,” whispered Liam. “She didn’t say that. Did she say that?”

Peebee elbowed him so hard that he doubled over.

After muttering what sounded like _Goddess_ under her breath, Lexi said, “What did she make?”

“Me.”

Lexi blushed.

“There she goes!” said Drack.

“Hold on,” said Gil. “She still gets one last chance.”

Lexi gathered her composure in record time, matching the tone and the look Thaia had used with her line when she said to Thaia, “I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.”

“I…” Thaia blushed. “All right, fuck. That one got me.”

“Wait a minute,” said Ryder. “Wait. How did you drop that ‘what my mother made’ line that most people can’t even _think_ without blushing, but the tangent one got you blushing like—”

“A maiden around her first crush,” said Peebee, which made it all the more insulting.

“Walking, Talking Tevura,” said Cora.

Ryder’s eyes widened. “Right. That one.” And now Ryder was blushing.

Cora raised an eyebrow at Thaia. “So why’d the easy one get you?”

“Math.” Thaia didn’t give any further details, turning to Lexi instead. “How did you know?”

“Because I remember everything you tell me,” Lexi said with the smallest of smug smiles, and then walked away.

Thaia stared after Lexi in shock. “I don’t remember telling her that. When did I tell her that?”

“It was on that trip to the Citadel.” Vetra had stored that bit of information away since the Milky Way. “Right after we’d all gone through the C-Sec checkpoint and Lexi wanted to know why you had to go through extra security. Something about drunk, a toy spaceship, attempted use of the Relay Monument and justifying it with your love of mathematics, which you loved so much that ‘I’m susceptible to math-based pick-up lines.’”

“I can’t believe she remembered that.” Thaia spun to face Vetra. “Wait, why do you remember?”

“Because I thought it would come back to bite you in the ass. And it did.”

Thaia conceded Vetra’s point with a nod, gave the medbay’s doors one last look, and then headed into the cargo bay. 

Show over, everyone else dispersed until only Vetra, Drack, and Jaal remained.

“Gonna be one of those days tomorrow,” said Drack.

Vetra activated her omni to tell Sid what she’d just witnessed. “It is.”

Drack leaned heavily against the table as he reactivated a terminal. “We could lock ‘em in a room together.”

“Why would you wish to do that?” asked Jaal.

Since he’d brought it up, Vetra let Drack handle it.

And he did. “To make ‘em talk. Or fuck and then talk. Either way.”

“Ah, I see. A method for breaking the tension.” Sometimes, the way Jaal said things like ‘I see,’ it sounded more like ‘I see you are going about things in a way that makes no sense but I will humor you.’ This was one of those times.

Vetra couldn’t find it within herself to disagree.

“Among my people, this situation would have resolved itself sooner.” Jaal considered the closed door to the cargo bay, followed by the closed door to the medbay. “ _Much_ sooner.”

At that, Drack turned to Vetra. “Sooner.”

“Or later,” said Vetra.

His teeth flashed in a grin. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

Vetra hit send and then opened up a different application. “I’ll set up the pool.”

“Pool?” asked Jaal.

“Betting pool,” said Drack. “If we’re going to suffer through this tension, we’re making some credits off it.”


End file.
